CYNTHIA HARTDEGEN, MSW, LICSW, BD
As my Aunt Gigie often said, "Life is peculiar." |
Life cheat sheets |
Perspective is important.A dog’s diary:8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing! Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to deep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am. Bastards! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration for the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously a syncophant, or brain-washed. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now…..... ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// ALL OR NOTHING THINKING – if it’s not perfect, it’s worthless. OVERGENERALIZATION- treating one event as a never-ending pattern, often identifiable by the use of words like “always”, “never”, “everyone”, etc. MENTAL FILTER- pick out the single negative detail, and focus on it to the exclusion of other information. DISCOUNTING THE POSITIVE-finding some reason to rationalize away the “plus”. JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS- indulging in mindreading or fortune telling MAGNIFICATION – aka ‘the binocular trick’ -exaggerate the importance of your shortcomings, minimize the importance of your skills. EMOTIONAL REASONING- using feelings as if they reflect reality. Eg “I feel guilty – I must be a rotten person” SHOULD STATEMENTS- using a higher (perhaps someone else’s) standard for your behaviour, aka “shoulding on yourself”, “musterbation” LABELLING-name-calling on the basis of overgeneralization. PERSONALIZATION/BLAMING- attributing total responsibility for complex problems to yourself, or to another person. /////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Fighting Rules Many families develop communication habits that tend to increase conflict during stressful periods of their relationships. It is possible to increase your satisfaction in interactions by using the following guidelines:
|